We're rocking it

“How do you do it?”  The question came from across the table during a lunch break at work.  I paused from blowing the steam off my leftovers to address my friend intelligently:  “Huh?”  “How do you have time to cook dinner every night?” she went on.  “I mean, along with everything else?”  I looked down at the forkful of last night’s meal suspended in my hand.  “This?” I replied.  “This is just…life.”    I didn’t know how else to answer.  If there was one person who, in my mind, was juggling an impossibly full plate, it was the woman sitting across from me.  How in the world could she ask me that question?  Didn’t she realize how amazing she was?

I started thinking through the achievements of some of my friends.  The questions came rapidly and with the same consistent theme.  How does she…?

…work full time and take care of 2 (3, 4…) babies?

…stay at home with her kids and find all those fun family activities to keep them busy?

…work multiple jobs?

…take care of her kids herself?

…find time to train for a marathon?

…manage completing her master’s degree while working?

…look so fresh and energetic every day when I know she has a newborn at home?

…always seem to be working on another professional designation?

…get all those books read?

…start her own business?

I drew two conclusions from this.  1) I know some downright talented and brilliant women, and that is an honor.  2) It’s time we start giving ourselves some credit.  Chances are someone else is impressed with your life.  To someone else you look like you have it all together.  As you go through the motions of your day, distracted by the thought of the unfolded laundry at home, someone else is admiring your ability to get things done.  When you’re struggling to remember what you needed to add to the grocery list, someone is in awe of your organizational skills.  And despite the turmoil you felt just trying to get out of the door this morning, someone really liked the outfit you chose.

How could these perceptions be so different?  How is it that when I don’t feel like I’m doing enough, a friend can catch me completely off-guard by saying with simple conviction, “You do so much.”   Is it possible that the version of ourselves we present to the world is so different from the harsh reality of our true broken lives?  I don’t think so.  Instead, it’s just that we cut others so much more slack than we give ourselves.  We set our own bar so high and assume everyone around us is jumping over it, when in reality they’re just trying to survive, too.  People who spend a lot of time with us – family and close friends – really do know us, so we should trust them when they say we’re knocking it out of the park.

It’s time I pause and give myself the occasional pat on the back for the things I do well.  I choose to spend my time doing things that I value for myself and my family.  The choices we all make in that same effort are unique, which gives us a great opportunity to be proud of one another.  And at the same time, I need to give myself grace for those other things that can creep in and make me feel like I’m failing.  So I don’t get down on my hands and knees and scrub my kitchen floor every week like my grandma always did.  My windows have fingerprints on them, and my closet needs to be organized.  So what?  I can admire my neighbor’s shiny windows, and she can compliment my flower pots (if spring ever arrives!).   

No matter who you are, you’re doing something that someone else respects and admires.  There is someone looking at your life and saying, “How do they…?”  So keep doing it.  We all need to be encouraged by the successes of one another, and in some cases it may give us the confidence to try something new ourselves.

And equally as important as rocking what you do well, tell someone else when they’re rocking it, too.  We all need to hear it.  I was having an incredibly blah day when my dear friend’s amazement at my ability to steam broccoli turned it around.  So go ahead, tell that co-worker or friend that she’s doing a great job at life, that her children are well behaved, or just that you love her sweater or she got her eyeliner on straight.  We need each other to help point out the small victories worth celebrating.  I made dinner last night, and I’m eating it again for lunch today.  And I’m proud of that.