Drama

Before my husband and I became parents I never would have imagined the types of things that can cause drama in the household of a toddler.  I would have scoffed at a list like the one I’ve put together, rolling my eyes and thinking, “Oh come on, it can’t be that bad.” 

But now I am a mom, which means I live in fear of making a two-year-old angry.  I walk on eggshells lest a tantrum become imminent.  My husband and I mumble subtle warnings across the dinner table if things heat up: “Don’t make it angry…”  We pretend to be in charge and practice all of the appropriate parenting techniques and disciplinary actions, but at the end of the day I know who rules the roost.

Read on for a few of the top sources of drama in our house.  Disclaimer: this list is not all-inclusive and is subject to revisions and/or massive expansion at any time.  Massive.

·       Bodily functions - The number one source of angst always seems to be, well, “number two.”  Now that I think about it, this fact hasn’t really changed since the day he was born.  He can’t go, he can’t stop going, he refuses to go, it’s a weird color, he gets his foot/hand/clothing/stuffed animal in it, he needs to go just as we’re leaving the house.  If you were to check my internet history, I would bet this topic dominates my Google traffic.  Poo drama.

·       The wrong “Elmo bread” - Several months ago we purchased, on a whim, an Elmo-shaped sandwich cutter and I used it to make my son some toast.  He coined the phrase “Elmo bread,” and from that point on various types of bread, toasted or not, in the shape of Elmo or not, may at times be referred to as “Elmo bread.”  Whenever he requests “Elmo bread” my stomach drops because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE MEANS and I fear the confrontation that may ensue if I get it wrong.  Is it cinnamon toast?  Toast with jelly?  Waffles?  A piece of sandwich bread?  The zucchini/banana/pumpkin bread that may be in the bread box?  Carb drama.

·       Dirty laundry – Some mornings we can get dressed without incident, shoving a shirt over our son’s head before he has time to even realize what color it is.  We high five and let out a sigh of relief as we happily head downstairs.  But some mornings he takes great interest in his wardrobe, scanning his closet slowly and meaningfully in order to inevitably request something that is in the laundry basket.  Most likely because he wore it yesterday and it has green paint on it.  Is it too much to expect a two-year-old to process the logic that dirty clothes need to be laundered, and this isn’t exactly something I jump at the chance to do every single day?  Wardrobe drama.

·       Helping out – Bless his heart, my son loves to help…err, feel like he’s helping.  The problem surfaces when the thing that he really wants to do has already been done.  Last week he started to throw a fit because he wanted to get the toaster out of the pantry (probably for Elmo bread) and it was already on the counter.  It had literally been sitting there for over 24 hours.  In situations like these I often start to explain to him that I can’t undo what has been done, but then I typically give up, put the toaster in the pantry, and help him awkwardly carry it across the kitchen.  As I stumble to crouch down and support the weight of the toaster while lifting up the cord so he doesn’t trip, he struts across the kitchen with a huge smile on his face.  Re-do drama.

·       Cups – Now that our son is using “big boy cups” at the table, it has opened a world of possibilities.  Green, blue, tall, short, Buzz Lifeyear or plain, and some nights he still requests a sippy cup.  But on those occasions, of course, he needs to help pour the milk and put the lid on himself.  His preference for lid fastening seems to be of the “semi-tight” variety, so this often leads to spills.  Can we sit down and eat yet?  Beverage drama.

We do our best to be on the alert for hot-button issues and diffuse the situation quickly.  But the #1 lesson I have learned in parenting so far is this: Just when you figure it out, whatever it is, it will change.  Like, tomorrow.  Flexibility is key.  That along with patience, lots of deep breaths, and plenty of snuggles and giggles that remind us it’s so worth it.  Drama and all.